minki

The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: “If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?” But the good Samaritan reversed the question: “If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?” – Martin Luther King Jr

my 2 cents. calm down

So finals are done and now I have time to do some blogging and various things I’ve pent up in myself for the past couple weeks.  So here it is:

Recently I saw a post on a pastor’s wall of a blog titled “Voluntourism more harm than good” (I don’t know if the person spelled it like that on purpose or not but regardless).

If you haven’t read it, here’s the link https://aswwu.com/collegian/voluntourism-more-harm-than-good/

I’d suggest you read it so you know the various things I write about on this blog.

I honestly don’t know what to think of this article.  Some of the things she writes at the end I agree with but some of the things she writes I don’t.  Of course maybe since she was in Africa for 9 months maybe I don’t understand as much (hahaha) but I’d say in my 7 months I’ve learned more than I ever have before.

This person worked for ADRA for 9 months in West Africa.  Already there my biased opinions came up.  In the 7 months I was in Bere, Tchad I didn’t see ANY ADRA work.  Apparently they had an office in Ndjamena, the capital of Tchad but never did they come to help us nor when we were in the capital city did they help us.  They seemed pretty much nonexistent when the missionaries talked about other organizations in Tchad.  But that could just be the amount I only saw and heard, who knows, maybe they’re doing massive work.

From the beginning of the article, she describes what seems like an African city.  Well obviously, because they had taxis.  And I completely resonate on the situation with her because I’ve been there and experienced that kind of environment first hand.  But her next descriptions seem more biased than anything.  Seeming to put words in to other people’s mouths, unless the hosts there are literally that ignorant to respond with sentences like “Terrible families. No food. So poor, you know.” I’d like to state that EVEN if it’s an African city environment, a LOT of better well off people live in cities.  I know this because I was lived in a small village and a lot of them looked up to people in the cities.  A lot of the city folk are more educated and have better jobs. But maybe this was just in Tchad. Who knows.

She also describes other college students taking selfies with the natives, saying that it’ll probably be their next profile pictures.  You see, I have a problem with someone seeming self righteous on blogs because I was with another girl missionary in Tchad who put others down and seemed self righteous in her blogs, saying how she was the only one doing things there and that all of us were helping Satan win (I don’t know if you read my blog about that, probably went over with a couple stuff but my stance stands).  So maybe I’m biased but also WHY is there a reason to put others who went with you down? What does that accomplish? Other than maybe showing others back in America (or wherever you’re from) and people in your home church that you’re the “best” missionary compared to the others that you were with and that you went through hell?

Also, about taking pictures.  People in Africa (except Arabs), especially kids, LOVE to take pictures. They think it’s the coolest thing, and I believe that it’s one of the best to get the native kids to like you and to come to you.  It’s more about relationship building than having your next profile picture. Especially if you’re working with the natives closely (I don’t know if this person did), it’s so important to build a lasting relationship.

Then she goes on this whole conversation she had with a shoe seller.  This I agree with because the natives DO expect volunteers to give them things because others before them have.  When in Tchad, our native “families” would expect us to leave a bunch of stuff for them.  Walking down trails, kids would yell out two things. “NASARA!” which means foreigner and “BON BON” which means candy.  Some would see even your water bottle and say “don moi” which means give me in French.  Obviously some volunteers have given the natives stuff before.  I noticed this especially when the Maranatha group came to where we were to do some construction work.  They were there for like 7 days, your typical short term mission work.  They’d give the native kids candy and all sorts of things, taking pictures and enjoying their time.  But the thing is, they only had to stay for 7 days.  Their mentality as a short-term missionary was work hard as hell for 7 days and then to go home. They didn’t have to worry about building a relationship with the natives. OH and did I mention that before the maranatha group came to our village they requested a BUNCH of stuff for their convenience? They would stay at the hospital compound with new buildings and also with bottles on bottles of bottled clean water and numerous amounts of various fruits and vegetables.  They wouldn’t even eat the village rice.  Some of the stuff that as student missionaries WE didn’t even get in our host families for our whole time there THEY got it constantly throughout the 7 days.  Some of the things we ate they wouldn’t even eat or drink.  As the people who were staying in the village, we had to prepare everything for them.  Drive to the city which is like 3 hours away and get the clean bottled waters, fruits, vegetables, to clean the housing places and put lights and bedding and mosquito nets.  Now THAT is something to write about in an article on how volunteerism can do more harm than good.  But regardless.

She makes a point in saying how the mission field where she was doesn’t hire local natives for the jobs and instead gets the volunteers to do it.  If this place was anything like the environment I was in, and I’m sure in a majority of societies, the natives can be very corrupt.  Hell even in the SDA clinic in my village, where everyone working were natives, there’s corruption.  The hospital administrator took around 100,000 dollars from the hospital fund and that had a bunch of people involved.  Some workers are also very lazy (not being stereotypical, but literal) and don’t work hard enough so nothing gets done.  HELL EVEN IN THE SDA CHURCH THAT IS SET UP THERE AND RUN BY NATIVES THERES CORRUPTION.  In the level of corruption that is in Africa, in the government and in the smaller places, it is a necessity for outside help to get things rolling again… and again.

But next she makes a good point on it being necessary for collegiate volunteers to re-prioritize their approach.  I’m sure many go to mission trips just for the experience, or for resume perks.  But regardless of the fact, there are things to learn and everyone has a different experience and reason to go.  Only they themselves can really know what they need and what they will learn.  Every man/woman to himself, no judgement.

She writes other things, in which I’m too lazy to type out anymore. But she seemed to be undermining the amount of work that can be done by sending in untrained young volunteers.  This I definitely disagree with.  Why does everything have to be mechanical and trained? That is the problem with Christianity that pisses me off. So often “spiritual” people say that to minister they have to be able to spit Bible verses, to be able to go door to door, to not abide in sin.  Those are the type of people that are labeled as SPIRITUAL or GODLY.  But people NEVER appreciate and encourage the amount of love needed in a person.  To be able to form an actual damn relationship with another person before shoving a doctrine in their heads. Not being a socially awkward sheltered “Christian” and to be spontaneous and go out to eat, mingle, play with your friends.  THEN you wont even have to chuck bible verses at them, shove books in their hands, and drag them to church.  They will come to YOU with heartfelt struggles. Or maybe they’ll just want a discussion.  Or just a friend to be there for them.  THIS is how you show others a Christian life, its not about just being able to read the Bible in front of a congregation, to pray in front on a stage, to preach in a camp meeting, to lead a praise group, or to lead a conference.

Well I guess I just went off course a little. Back to the point.

WHY NOT send untrained volunteers, WHY NOT send twenty something year old students.  Sometimes as students we can be the most influential to others.  Some of us have common goals as the natives in a mission field.  Same schooling. Same family dynamics. WHO KNOWS. YOU don’t know that’s for sure.

ESPECIALLY in countries like Africa, the 20 somethings and younger are the FUTURE of the continent.  Why NOT be able to go there, show them how some of their culture can be detrimental to their health or anything else? Natives where I was had a strong patriarchal society.  The man had all the power and the woman is treated like nothing.  Like they would flat out just state that.  Some people, especially the Arabic community had more than one wife.  Why NOT go there, show the risks of sleeping around, why NOT show that woman are equal to men?

She says, “By sending out untrained volunteers, we are essentially saying that development work is “easy,” that our skills as middle-class twenty-somethings are so valuable that they can save a village, and that just because we are from the U.S., we are superior to the third-world countries that we aim to serve.”

Of course some people do think that. But regardless, it’s not about what we have that’s important. The important fact is what we do with the things we have.  Most of us at the early 20s are not doctors, not professionals at all.  But regardless we CAN make a difference.  Whether it’s to help the other professional missionaries, to start a project on your own that you can do, or to just teach local groups of natives something that you know.  Maybe that won’t be SAVING a village physically, but it starts by planting a seed. It always starts as a seed; something doesn’t change drastically like being able to save a village straight up.  Especially when it comes to cultures different from others, change is the most difficult.

I know this because I had the same exact struggle when in Tchad. We’d go to different places teaching health and one of the topics was the importance of clean water.  One time, someone asked how they are able to achieve clean water when they only have 3-4 wells in the whole village that are covered and have pumps (most wells are uncovered and shallow, allowing mosquitoes and viruses and bacteria to thrive).  To build one covered well deep enough and with a pump would have cost a couple thousand dollars.  Of course we didn’t have the funds or manpower to do such thing, which got me to really feel discouraged.  But one reminder that got me through the whole mission trip was that you never know the impact that you can have, only God knows.  NO ONE knows the influence you had until God reveals it to you, no matter how small of a task.  So to state that someone did useless work or is not helpful in any situation is an uninformed, useless account.

She goes more into other things but I feel like I should stop hating.  I do agree on some things and disagree with some things of what she said.  But in the end you don’t go to a mission and have the expectation of doing everything.  It does take time and yes a lot of the mission field does need improvement. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that someone who is 1 year old to a person of a 100 years might have an impact on a native.  For a pastor to post up something like this really made me frustrated because it could be discouraging for other potential future missionaries and also current or past student missionaries.  It is imperative not only for the natives in the mission field to keep learning but also for us as part of the 1st world population to learn how to serve and to keep a Christ-ministry minded thinking.  I think ill coin that term, Christ-ministry minded hahaha.  He did not spend the majority of His life handing out the Bible nor did He go to church to pray and preach all the time.  A majority of his time was traveling, having conversations with various types of sinners, to heal and to teach, to have “menial” conversations with others.

Here I am

I haven’t written on here in a really long time… But as I’m waiting for Andrews surgery to finish (idk how long I’ve been here… Think close to 5 hours…) might as well write some thoughts down. It’s been like 7 months since coming back from tchad… Spent my birthday here with awesome people. When I was in tchad I distinctly remember it being a Friday and me having malaria… But this year’s birthday was such a nice reminder of how great close friends can be.

As time goes by, I’m sure little bits of my Tchadian memories and lessons would fade… But that’s exactly why I wrote on this blog with my sincere feelings of that moment, so when I read back I can sort of relive the memory. Things that I will probably never experience again… It’d be such a waste to forget.

As I become a year older… And then another year older… And then another year older… I hope that my values and beliefs will be planted on good Foundation and infinitely improved. The bad forgotten, the good remembered.

blessings

We’re very quick to voice complaints, and grumble with a frown, if things go wrong and all our castles crash and tumble down. We air our little grievances, when we come home at night- and in that frame of mind you find that nothing turns out right. 

…If only we would make a list- a new one every day- of all the blessings we receive as we go on our way- we’d never reach the end of it- you’d be surprised to find, how many lovely little things would crowd into your mind… God pours His blessings from above- but we’re too blind to see- and so we are the victims of our own stupidity… We fret our little lives away- we weep and doubt and grieve- If only we would lift our hands and gratefully receive- the blessings He bestows on us if we but watch and pray- and look beyond the clouds to see the glory of each day.”

-Quiet Corner

 

Words I need to live by, even after realizing how incredibly blessed I am. 

 

http://liftbump.com/2014/01/7880-unbelievable-nine-tiny-words-changed-mans-life/

Little Things

“We sometimes get impatient doing simple little things, like stitching buttons, washing gloves- the trifling tasks life brings- we think we’re wasting precious time and grumble terribly- because we think we’re fitted for a higher destiny. . . .

But God did not despise the doing of the tiny things- He must have spent a lot of time on making flowers and wings- He made the mountains and the seas, the whirling worlds on high- and yet He designed to make the ant, the bee, the butterfly- the spider and the snowflake and the smallest bird that sings- so surely we with grace and care can do– the little things.”

 

-Quiet Corner

reflect.

Such a busy day… almost 11 hours of traveling on the dusty, smelly, piece of crap bus. But to ADD to it… I have malaria… making the number 5 times now.

Coming here, its so physically demanding.
I’ve had an abnormally increased number of white blood cells for some unknown reason, hundreds of mosquito bites (maybe around 30 in one occasion?), cracked heels from the dryness, crazy migraines, stomach pains, weird bumps around my body, and just all the other bodily functions that go wrong which I won’t go into detail.

Shiiiiit it’d be an understatement for me to say that this place is out of my comfort zone.

People talk about how much they change after mission trips and whatnot. They talk about how relationships with people are going to be different now or how spirituality has increased and that they’ve become a “holier-than-thou” individual. But I always think that means how there might be a chance to lose friends and loved ones due to the drastic difference. I’d like to say that I’ve become or improved as a person. Not because of all the devotions and praying I did (sad to say, haven’t really done that much). Learning all the things here, opening my eyes to a different world, its only natural that there are some changes in perspective.

But I don’t have drastic changes in spirituality, no sweeping mother Teresa complex. Habits are habits, whether you are in a first world or third world country. Everywhere is a mission field so I didn’t expect that coming here would make my spirituality skyrocket. But its no question that the things you are bound to learn when put outside of your comfort zone will add perspective to whatever beliefs you have.

People also always say how a dollar (or __ amount of dollars) can feed or help ____ amount of people. A past missionary Bronwyn said how while she was watching the movie Skyfall, all she could think about was how the money to make the film could’ve fed basically all of Africa.
Honestly, I’m not gonna change like that, and I haven’t. Of course it is always good to help people who are in need, to care for the less fortunate- especially people here in Africa. But life is life and to live in America, more money is needed. To live here in Africa, less money is needed. The prices of foods and different merchandise here in Africa are worlds apart from those of America. Living a life where you have to question each purchase, to question each little thing you do in a country that requires much more is not a life I would like to have… it’s basically a life full of guilt and regret. Why would I want such thing?

But regardless, it has been the most humbling, learning experience ever. No one will ever understand what its like here, what experiences we as individuals went through. Everyone has different things going through their minds, both emotionally and spiritually. The conditions here and actually living in them…

A good friend told me before I left for missions to keep in mind that it is important not only to help out at the mission site but also to implement what I’ve learned when I get back home. Hell, living in Africa can teach you a lot of lessons.

We may have done useless things. We may have done wondrous things. Sometimes work here did get super depressing and frustrating. But one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes I can’t gauge the amount of influence and impact I had at a mission field until the Lord decides to show me.

For those of you who kept (and still keeping) in contact, I freakin love you guys. Not just sending inspiriational stuff…. (that way doesn’t really motivate me- but appreciated) but just telling me about random things happening back home or how you guys have been doing yourselves has kept me in the loop and made me feel loved and helped me cope with different situations.

Welcome to Bere, Tchad.

COUNTDOWN

I’ve been writing less and less blogs… I don’t know… I feel a lack of motivation to write anymore haha. I guess the reason’s that it’s less of a coping mechanism now since I’m basically accustomed to
everything.

So recent news…
I got reallll aggravated last Friday while doing Tammy’s giving program. For those who still don’t know what that is, her program is every Monday and Friday. It focuses on helping the poor and handicapped- people come to the hospital compound gate and we go greet them and see what they need. Rice, money, soap, baby formula, etc. Of course a lot of people take advantage of the good heart and hence the frustration.
Recently, someone donated 1,000 dollars to Danae to put into gift bags and to give it out to whoever needs. SO we put in 10,000 CFA (around 20 dollars), couple soaps (people really need soap here), and various kinds of foods in each bag. For people here, 10,000 CFA is a lot of money, enough money to start a business. For example, some people make and sell charcoal at the market and on the side trails. So we tell them that they have to set aside money to buy the materials for whatever kind of business they want to start and to use a small part of the money for themselves. Basically micro management.

A couple weeks ago, we gave out the first batch of bags to a group of women and we expected to seriously never see them again. At least for a while. But WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW. A couple of the women came last Friday wanting more -.-

No gratitude (some people who are truly thankful come back just to say thank you and also sometimes give a gift back to us). Just asking for more money. More food. AALLLLL the time.

Of course some of you are saying how we need to help others no matter what they think or do. To help selflessly, to give these people food, to not accept gifts and not expect thank yous.
But is it really helping them? Or is it just babying them? What the hell’s gonna happen to them when all the missionaries leave? When the volunteers leave? How are they EVER going to learn to have a stable life when they just spend all their money on stuff without thinking? When their whole life is dependent on others, what’s gona happen then? And it’s not the fact that they didn’t say thank you that annoys me… it’s the fact they received so much and lots of money (enough to start a damn business) but they just come back for more after using it all for themselves on useless crap and not setting any aside.

But in other news…
Soon, Lynol (a missionary from france that’s a business major) is leaving… next week I think? But after spending some time with this dude… I REALLY rethought how a Christian is supposed to be. Are they supposed to be socially awkward?
For example- Lynol, Josh, and I were talking about which city is best (Paris, Chicago, and NYC respectively). I guess you can call it some bonding time, to be able to converse with each other more. But while talking Lynol says, “What right do we have to judge?” Conversation killer.
Another example I can think of is when one of us commented on how we liked his shirt. He responds “oh praise God.” Another conversation killer.
One time Allah was talking about how he really liked the French rapper La Fouine. Of course rap music isn’t that great but we can’t force people to not listen to it. Hell I listen to rap music. But this dude Lynol talks to Allah about how rap music is bad and that he shouldn’t be listening to it and that it has bad meanings. He just goes ON AND ON AND ON.
And I’m just looking at Allah from the side and see him in a pretty awkward situation… and granted I got pretty irritated so I joined in the conversation telling Lynol that he can’t make other people do what he wants them to, to expect them to think exactly like him.
There are a lot of situations like these with him….

We all know this kind of Christian. Some people always have God on the tip of their tongues and many people probably think of this as a measure of great holiness. But when were Christians called to be socially awkward? To make conversing so hard? The main point of Christianity is to be able to socialize and to become close with people… and then through the life of you and I other people might be able to see Jesus working. And for God’s sake what gave people the right (in the words of Lynol about the cities) to be the judge of others? Maybe they are doing something bad outwardly… but maybe YOU’RE doing something wicked inside. Everyone is a sinner.

Talking about wickedness, there’s been an outbreak of “evil spirits” here apparently. Last Wednesday after finishing work at the hospital I found out that there were 4 girls that were basically in the hospital because they seemed demon possessed. I saw one of them being carried out by 4 people to a car. Olen said that these cases have one out of three causes. First, they want the attention (people do that here believe it or not: Olen “inflicts pain on them” in his own words when he thinks its for this first reason LOL). Second, they’re high on something. Third, they literally are demon possessed. All of these are all equally possible hahahahah.

So today, Josh tells me that there are like a bunch more who are “demon possessed.” He said around 10 total now? The schools all closed today because of this… but that’s not a surprise. Schools here close for the stupidest reasons.
Apparently all the demon possessions are girls… no guys. And when all the girls are now from different areas… kinda makes you think that MAYBE they really are demon possessions…
All of them have to be carried by at least 4 people… and they cry hysterically… loud enough to be heard from the SM hut.
Allah told Josh that if he sees a girl when he goes to teach English to the kids, he should run. He was probably joking… Or better have been damn joking.
It’s not a crazy crazy thing to us anymore because we’ve all come to the realization that these kinds of things can literally happen here. But it’s still scary to think about when there’s a possibility that you might come across one.

Recently, Jason sent me an email telling me to read Galations 6:9 and to be encouraged as he’s been encouraged as he went door to door in Australia.

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” -Galatians 6:9

Reading this, I realized something about being in the mission field… It allows us to live a life of servitude. When we’re going through our daily schedules in our comfortable bubbles (whether it be in America, Europe, wherever) when do we think about serving? When we do community service we think about the hours we need for our résumé. When passing a homeless someone on the streets of a city, do we take time out of our busy day to care? Even amongst friends or classmates, do we build the relationship on what we can do for each other? Or what the other can do for us? Even in a church, we go to church to hear a good sermon from a good preacher. But a pastor can’t do anything for our salvation. The reason we need to go to church is to see what we can do for each other and to support each other in the faith, not only ourselves.

I guess these revelations or thoughts can be repetitive… especially if you think about this kind of stuff daily. But being here, it puts a lot of things into perspective for sure.

PICTURE: my baby Winter… got so big! But he still thinks he’s a puppy so he likes going on my lap. And on my left is Naomi, where Winter stays xP

3/3

Coming back from Ndjamena… it’s pretty hard to readjust to life in Bere haha. The peacefulness is for sure awesome… no crazy drivers, quiet nights, and none of the hustle bustle of the city. But the FOOOOODD. My goodness. The food in Ndjamena is freaking so good… (relatively)

But today we went out to the village and gave our health lectures… I must say, today had the biggest turnout since we started doing lectures. I counted around 119… probably more. And most of them were ADULTS. Ever since we started doing health lectures, most of the audiences were kids. It just seemed like they came to watch us for enjoyment. But today there mustve been like only 30 kids… the rest of them adults. And it was actually nice to see that they were interested in what we were talking about… they asked questions such as how to make the nutritious food we talk about (bouille) and how much oil they should consume. I must say… this was a big encouragement. I would always get ticked off in the prior quartiers because we seemed like a form of entertainment… but not in this one. And it was good to see that people were actually interested in health.

Oh I forgot to mention. Danae gave Winter a flea collar! Ive never actually seen fleas until being here… theyre a lot bigger than I thought they would be. Also the collar will help with repelling ticks too :D
But since Winter is still a puppy he likes to play with a lot of things at the hospital/living compound… aka taking people’s shoes, destroying garden decorations, digging holes in the ground…
So I decided to just give him to Naomi and keep him there (since my compound is quite open, near the main road, and many people pass by). Naomi lives pretty far from the hospital and there I wont have to worry about people throwing rocks and harassing Winter. ☹

And Shannice apologized for the stuff she wrote on her blog… she probably realized that everyone on the compound read her blog. And I apologized also for being a dick… which I definitely have haha. Some people read mine too but I don’t know if mine was crazy offensive… it’s mostly my experiences so probably not…but who knows.

As the weather becomes hotter… I am sweating like no other in my hut… its hard to comprehend that itll become hotter than this. I used to not be able to sleep when I sweat but now it’s like the norm haha. Can’t wait to go back to AC…

Tomorrow’s Charis’ birthday… big ol’ 28. WOOT.

NDJAMENA

Came up to Ndjamena (capital of Tchad) for our little vacation… get away from Bere and all the pressures that come with it… and away from the girls (only me josh and zach came up, the girls went to moundou).

So our bus ride up didn’t have many problems… only a flat tire. Made it in around 9 hours? I think around 35 people on the bus… all squished together and smellin the nice B.O. Good stuff.

We got to Ndjamena and our first order of business was to exchange some more money. So we went to the bank, got some more francs and then headed to the Tchadian Boutique. The Tchadian Boutique is one of the stores here that is similar to a super market back at home… but smaller. And no fresh foods like fruits and vegetables.
Nevertheless, there were many luxuries that aren’t at Bere. Bought like 9 dr pepper cans, 2 tobasco bottles, and some cereal. It’s crazy how it feels so different coming here to Ndjamena from Bere than when I was first here coming from America…

Coming from Bere, seeing sidewalks, lampposts, (minimal) traffic signs, other foreigners, and some of the food here got me SO freaking excited. I started freaking out when I saw like other foreigners here… part of me just wanted to go to them and start talking to them but decided against it cuz I might come off as creepy or something… But even having minimal sidewalks here really surprised me… oh and ESPECIALLY gutters. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sewage system here in Tchad until now.

After the Tchadian Boutique, we went to a patisserie where we got some ICE CREAMMM. Some lime sorbet and passion fruit sorbet… and we also got PIZZA. One pie for the each of us… note that the pizza here (basically the only pizza selling place in tchad) isn’t even as good as the worst pizza in America… (Well better than Chicago deep-dish pizza)… but my goodness it tasted so good. Brought that back to the place we’re staying at… a compound that is run by Lutherans. The room is SO nice… basically we’re paying 10,000 CFAs (approx. 20 dollars) per night, which is actually kind of on the expensive side. We have AC!!!!!! Yeeeeee.

It’s kind of crazy how there’s such a difference in how I perceive things now… when I came here in the beginning I thought that this place was so undeveloped and rural… (still kind of is.. I’d compare it to like… Korea countryside) but now, seeing paved roads and lampposts and cars (not motos) driving around seems super new. Seeing two story buildings also seems new believe it or not haha. All the food possibilities (well relatively speaking) and new environment is so awesome…

Part of me feels like I’m up here to leave for America (Ndjamena is where the airport is). But there’s still more time to be spent in Bere and on Friday I will be going back… sad. But this is a time of recovery and relaxation so that’s what I plan to do.

In other news, I will be marrying 김연아.

funniest thing in the world.

Recently we had a meeting about doing more things and being busier… as I said in my last post… I am now quite busy.

BUT something I DID find recently… found shannice’s blog (fellow missionary). LOL funniest thing in the world…

Her blog title is called “Lets be real.” One thing it is not is real… as Aaron said via twitter… no Christian’s blog should be titled that cuz seriously, Christians do not keep things real.
I was reading her blog at night in my tent the other day… my god I seriously could only smile and laugh because I was THAT pissed and it was so 어이없어. Have you ever had that? A time you were so pissed that you could only smile and laugh.
Her blog literally was all bullshit. I wont link her blog since I feel like that’d be kind of too much but I just wanted to quote some of the things she said.

SO this is the gist of the circumstances right now. Me and Josh have had malaria 3 and 4 times now (respectively). We know what it feels like to be sick with it, to be on the horrible medicines to treat it. When people have malaria, it usually takes you out for a week or so. But this girl shannice got malaria for the first time and literally was “sick” for the whole month (more than the month). It’s not like she was THAT sick because she would still come to potluck and eat, come to game nights and have a grand time, stuff like that. And she wasn’t even on quinine, which if you dont know it yet, is the worst medicine for Malaria in terms of how you feel.
SO of course she used her sickness as an excuse to be lazy and do nothing while the rest of us were working and stuff… it’s so easy to use sickness as an excuse here and it’s so obvious when someone does.

Now let’s go to her blog.

“I could take the health problems and the hardship Tchadian culture brings, but the SMs and missionaries are a different story. They flew around half of the world to come and serve people, but they are only serving themselves. They couldn’t even take 3 minutes out of their night to get my test results. I know I have blogged before about the lack of missionary spirit and feeling extremely suffocated here, but things are only getting worse.”

Lol first of all, she did literally shit during the time here. I wasn’t there when she asked the SMs to get her test results but I talked to josh about it and he said that he didn’t wanna get it for her cuz she literally hadn’t done anything in a month and was fed up with her just ordering others around. Which leads to the next thing. WE’RE the ones doing stuff for others. SHE hasn’t done ANYTHING in a very, very long time. And yet she makes it sound like she’s the best missionary. Serving ourselves? Yeah okay. And she has the nerve to say “I don’t know if they recognize what they are doing or not, but I do and I plan to never become how they are” at the end of her paragraph. ROFL really now. Cuz we covered for her and took over her workload for more than a month (like 6 weeks) with her English teaching and project 21 work. But we’re serving ourselves right?

“Truthfully, I am only staying because I came to help the people of Bere in any way I could. I can’t let not-so-mission-orientated missionaries detour me from my goal. Seeing how happy my students are when I walk into the classroom, or the children who come running when I start gymnastics keeps me going. How everyone thanks us multiple times for our health lectures, or how my host children run out to greet me as I come home from work. I can’t even begin to explain how thankful Naomi and her yeast infection clinic are for the help. I can’t let the missionaries stop me from bring the blessing God has planned for these people. I know I was brought here for a reason, and plan to stay and see that that reason is fulfilled.”

This is even funnier cuz now me and Josh are not-so-mission-orientated missionaries who detour her from HER goal. It’s funny cuz when she wrote this she was still “sick” and hadn’t taught English class in a month, hadn’t done gymnastics in a month, no one says thank you at the health lectures, and she doesn’t even go home from work… she hasn’t done work in forever. And she hasn’t done shit for Naomi and her yeast infection clinic… literally it hasn’t even started up again. Oh that reminds me, the picture below shows how she always got Josh to teach (texts). She has that “oh I might teach” but always ends up not teaching. AND she doesn’t even teach anymore. Josh teaches all of the English classes now (I hate kids). But what happened to her happiness that she got when her students saw her walk into the classroom? Her motivation to stay in Tchad? Whooooo knows, all I know is that im a not-so-mission-orientated missionary.

“Many people have come and gone willing to help with anything and everything while others…don’t. Let’s be real. They just sit in their house or SM hut watching TV shows and movies on their computer. At first they were like me. Wanting more work to do because they were bored. However, we have work to do now, but they still sit around and do nothing.
I feel like I am their mother. When there is nothing to do I clean, or try to look for something to keep me busy. These particular people who just sit there as usual.”

This post was written some time ago but it was really funny to me because she talks about us sitting in the SM hut watching TV shows and movies on our computers… (in our free time of course, which we had a lot of before) but SHE watches them too LOL. AND she doesn’t have a computer here (she only brought her ipad) so she takes Josh’s computer without even asking him and watches things on there throughout the day. LOL oh some people are too funny. She doesnt even clean… her and Charis literally fit the stereotype of a 흐긴 girl. And then she ends that post with “I can’t handle the stressors of Tchad and the lack of missionary spirit of others. Please pray for all of us. Satan is working hard to stop our work; I don’t want him to win!” Really?

Honestly, I normally would not care if someone wrote this kind of thing if they were DOING something here. Work or anything. Because blogging can be a way of ranting. I know that since I also use my blog to rant.
But why not rant about other things instead of making up shit about other missionaries and making yourself look like the perfect missionary?
Literally some things are the opposite from what she wrote on her blog. I only put some examples from her blog to get my point across.

What got me to boil over was seeing her literally do nothing today while I was working at the woodshop and Josh was working at the hospital. I mentioned in the beginning of this blog that we had a meeting to get ourselves busier. But literally after that meeting she has still been at the SM hut all day, done nothing, leave the SM hut (so that other people wont see her doing nothing in there) and pretend to do stuff outside. The attached picture: day in the life of shannice baker, the perfect missionary doing absolute shit.

Johnny, you gotta read her blog. You know how she is so when you read her blog youll feel what I feel (well to a point… you only knew her for a month).

The funny thing is, while she makes herself out to be the perfect and most holy missionary through her blog, everyone here knows she does nothing. Zach, the Parkers and the Netteburgs know that she’s been using sickness as an excuse for the past month and a half. Danae even said in the meeting we had that maybe if she cant work because she’s feeling that “sick” and has been for more than a month like she has been, then maybe she should go home (that induced silence from her). They all also know that I am willing to do anything they ask of me so Tammy and Zach usually always come to me for things to do (same with Josh). I’m not saying this to look good; I could literally care less about my image as a missionary.
But I wonder if she really thinks she’s doing the most work here or if it’s all a tactic to make herself feel/look better and to get attention and sympathy from her friends in America. I really am curious.

Why is it that Christians always pretend to seem holy or perfect in ways when the whole purpose of Christianity is to accept our imperfection? We are all sinners and lacking in many ways… but there is always something to do about it. Talking with other people, I also feel like it’s the number one thing that turns off people from going to church.

I understand that I shouldn’t care about what she does and stuff (in this case it’s more like what she DOESN’T do)… but I couldn’t take it this time.

Her blog is titled lets be real? LET’S BE MOTHER FUCKING REAL.

Sorry im just very ticked off.

the last picture is of the cabinets that i made and have been painting for the past couple days… no primer so the paint gets soaked up in the wood… have to put like 5 coats of paint on it… -.-

busy busy

Johnny left for moundou (city in Tchad) monday.
Hope you have fun with your faster internet, better food, and better hospitality. We don’t want you here. Jerk.

Anyways.
How often do you look up at the night sky? I just looked up randomly while walking home (I usually look at the ground when I walk so I make sure not to go near poop or big bugs) and looking at the moon and stars just made me feel really small for some reason. Each of those small speckles of light is a ball of gas, some bigger than our sun. The other speckles of light are galaxies, some smaller and some bigger than our very own Milky Way galaxy. So farrr away that it only shows up on our night sky as dots.

This week was a really busy week…

On Tuesday I worked with Jamie the whole morning… made two cabinets. 2 years of woodshop in high school coming back!
In the afternoon me and Zach went to do our weekly health lectures in the communities… since Johnny’s not here anymore (he was in our group) me and zach have to do more lectures (thanks johnny).

Yesterday I went to the hospital. Did rounds with dr. bland and helped with dressing changes. Then went into the operating room for the first time. Don’t usually go to the hospital cuz the other SMs generally like to go more. But we made a schedule and Wednesdays are gona be my hospital days from now on.

Our first surgery was a hysterectomy done by Danae. I got to scrub in for it! Wearing the surgery cap, the surgery gown and
washing/scrubbing my hands like crazy and not touching anything until putting gloves on. So exciting. And I was right there next to the operating bed helping with the surgery. Once, after doing the incision, Danae had me reach my hand in through the incision and dig all the way up in to her main organs. Craaaaazzzyy. She wanted me to feel what the liver felt like. And since hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus, the incision is really low on her abdomen. So you can imagine how much of my hand was just fishing through the patient’s body… like a little past my wrist… middle of my forearm. All of it was inside the body. And it’s soooo warm inside the body… and bloody… The surgery was successful… and after Danae had me cut the uterus in half to see what the complications were (there was some excess bleeding during the surgery).

The next surgery was to take out some bladder stones… crazy big. The size of golf balls. Olen had me put in the catheter for the patient… my god haha. But it was easier than I thought… went right in hahaha.

Then there was a surgery for a recta fistula… the guy also had AIDS… so I was extra careful in being near the surgery.

Then there were two surgeries for hydroceles… biggest balls ever (if you don’t know what a hydrocele is, don’t search it up on google). Literally strip the scrotum off and it’s a huge veiny ball of liquid (which you cut to get the liquid out)… there was no container or drain for the liquid so Dr. Wolfgang (one of the visiting doctors) tried to shoot it into a trashcan that was like 3 feet away. Didn’t turn out too well and everything got on the floor haha but it was mad amusing to watch… gotta do what’s needed in surgery!
Then there’s the surgeries for the hernias…
Started from 7am-5pm in the hospital… nonstop. No lunch break or anything haha. Life in Tchad…

Today I sanded down the cabinets and started painting… another full day of working.

For the past 4 days Ive been starting work from 8 am (except for my hospital day in which it started at 7) to around 5 pm nonstop with no lunch break (we don’t get fed for lunch anyway). I think im gonna burn out already haha. Now I REALLY await the weekend so I can relax and rest…

Tomorrow’s our valentines day barbeque…. A great excuse to eat some great food (in relative terms) and to rest from a good weeks worth of work. Talking about which, I couldn’t even watch when the Koreans competed in the Olympic events… sigh. But YAY for a gold and bronze! goKOREAAAAAA

picture: my favorite host family kid kaspepe. he put a bunch of uncooked rice into his mouth and then spit it out hahaha

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